A daily gratitude practice can transform your life for the better.

Counting your blessings is a time-honored principle for living a good life, and research proves it.  Starting a daily gratitude practice isn't difficult, but it requires intention.  Let's explore why a daily gratitude practice will improve your life, and review a simple two-step process to get started.

Gratitude Moves You Away from an Entitled Mindset

Gratitude shifts your focus from what you think you deserve to what you already have. It fosters humility and appreciation, contrasting with entitlement, which leads to arrogance and dissatisfaction. 

After moving to an affluent area, I found it easy to focus on what I lack—such as a screened-in porch or a golf cart—rather than appreciating my comfortable home and reliable car. However, practicing gratitude each morning using the Atom app has helped me realize my wealth in blessings. I challenge myself to write down three things I’m grateful for, but I often come up with ten things. This daily habit at breakfast time with my Monk Manual, has shifted my mindset from entitlement to appreciation and I don’t get anxious and sad trying to keep up with my neighbors extravagant lifestyles.

Gratitude Strengthens Relationships

Gratitude fosters stronger connections by enhancing appreciation for others. For example, expressing gratitude to a partner can deepen your bond. In contrast, entitlement breeds resentment and isolation. 

I witnessed entitlement when a man at BJ's Wholesale Club demanded immediate service for a return, that made everyone uncomfortable. If he was like that at BJ's, I imagine he was demanding and arrogant everywhere.  I felt sorry for his family and those he worked with. If he redirected his focus to what he could be thankful for, his interactions would likely improve and become more positive. It's not hard to reframe your circumstances, but it does take intention.  When you do, your relationships are better with those close to you and strangers in line at BJ's.

Gratitude Triggers Healthy Brain Activity

Research shows that expressing gratitude activates brain regions that release "feel-good" neurotransmitters like dopamine and serotonin. Practicing gratitude daily boosts your mood and well-being while enhancing your brain's ability to adapt and learn. 

In addition, this habit impacts the neuroplasticity of your brain.  It causes your brain to make new connections, which improves your ability to learn and adapt.  This daily practice trains your brain to be more resilient and a faster learner.

I never want to stop learning and I refuse to become stagnant in my knowledge and skills.  I will continue to practice gratitude as long as I am able to keep my brain sharp and continue in my lifelong learning quest. 

Gratitude Challenges Limiting Beliefs

By focusing on the positive, gratitude helps counter limiting beliefs and fosters a more optimistic mindset. It empowers individuals to recognize their potential and encourages positive change.

About a year ago, I learned more about limiting beliefs—thoughts that restrict us concerning our abilities, self-worth, or life in general. Before understanding this concept, I was unaware of how I was self-sabotaging with false beliefs.

Recently, while on a boat trip in Antelope Canyon at Lake Powell, I talked with an 89-year-old woman who mentioned she couldn't swim. She was anxious about the boat trip - just like she was anxious anytime she was around deep water.  Despite trying to learn twice, she concluded that her body wasn't capable of swimming. I found this surprising; she seemed like anyone else. It made me reflect on how much joy she might have lost due to this limiting belief and how much less anxiety she would have in her life if she had practiced daily gratitude years ago and tried a third (or maybe fourth) time to learn to swim.

Are you ready to start your daily gratitude journey? 

Here are two simple steps:

First, start small.

Choose a method to document three things you're grateful for each day. I use the Monk Manual, which has a "Gratitude" section, but you could also use a voice memo on your phone. The key is to find a way to capture your gratitude that works for you. 

Second, make it a habit.

Use habit stacking to incorporate gratitude journaling into your daily routine. For example, I write down three things I'm grateful for during breakfast. I keep my Monk Manual on the table and use the Atoms app to record my practice each morning.

Creating a daily gratitude practice requires intention, but it can help you feel less entitled, strengthen relationships, and build resilience against limiting beliefs.

Getting the most from your executive coaching experience

Five Tips to Maximize Your Executive Coaching Experience

Congratulations on starting your journey with an executive coach! Whether you initiated this process or not, it's a significant opportunity and a testament to your potential. The effort you put into this experience will directly impact the benefits you gain. Here are five key concepts from my successful coaching engagements that can help you succeed.

1) Establish Success Measures 

To maximize your coaching experience, it is crucial to clearly define your goals and set measurable success criteria to track your progress. Take the time to reflect on your aspirations for coaching, as relying solely on your sponsor's objectives may limit your growth. Instead, take ownership of the process and tailor the experience to your needs. While your sponsor's objectives may be performance-focused, articulating your goals is equally important. Doing so allows you to monitor your progress and recognize your growth effectively.

During my coaching engagement with Luke Entwistle of Curium Solutions US, we dedicated time in the early sessions to defining progress indicators. I monitored these throughout the coaching process and beyond. Rather than measuring success as "having fewer conflicts with peers"—since conflict is often unavoidable in a business context—I defined success as reducing emails and increasing face-to-face conversations, phone calls, and texts. Additionally, I monitored my response times to provocative emails and the word count of my communications. I also tracked how often I could resolve conflicts independently without involving leadership. While these success indicators were imperfect, they helped align my behaviors with desired outcomes—stronger peer relationships, better results, and greater independence.

2)  Be vulnerable 

Be open and vulnerable with your coach. Trust them and be transparent about your experiences, feelings, and challenges. Your coach is likely one of the few people in your life with no ulterior motives, solely focused on your success. While other relationships may benefit from your success, they often have complexities. Your coach's success is tied to yours, making them a unique ally. Share candidly with your coach about the situations you face. In my coaching engagement, I shared texts and emails to provide context for my responses to challenging situations. This transparency allowed my coach to identify areas for improvement and offer targeted guidance. 

I had conversations with my coach about my emotions. I often feel frustrated and angry when faced with challenges, sometimes adopting a victim mindset. During our coaching sessions, I worked on identifying and expressing my emotions. In one instance, I realized that I felt shame instead of anger. By naming my feelings and exploring their underlying causes, I better understood my experiences. Sharing emotions, especially in a business context with a coach, can be difficult but crucial for personal growth. As human beings, we are inherently emotional and don't leave our feelings behind when we go to work. It's important to share how you feel with your coach so they can help you achieve better performance and greater peace of mind.

3) Journal

Journaling is a powerful yet often overlooked tool in coaching. It enhances self-awareness and helps you learn from mistakes while celebrating wins. Regular reflection through journaling can provide significant benefits. I journal weekly using "The Monk Manual," but any method that encourages regular writing and capturing your thoughts can be effective. 

Another helpful journaling technique is writing letters to yourself, such as through the tool "Dear Future Me." Any method of documenting your experiences is valuable. Reviewing your journal entries (or letters to yourself) can offer helpful insights into your progress and provide significant encouragement.

Additionally, journaling throughout your coaching engagement and sharing your entries with your coach can effectively track your progress.

4) Prepare before and after each session 

It is essential to follow up on the coach's suggestions diligently. During my meetings with my coach, I took detailed notes, and together, we developed strategies to tackle challenging situations. Although my coach rarely provided specific advice, there was one occasion when they suggested that I refrain from using a particular phrase that had caused friction with my sponsor. We analyzed why that phrase was ineffective and brainstormed more appropriate alternatives. As a result, we created new phrases that led to more harmonious and collaborative interactions. By preparing for each session, sharing recent real-life examples, and following the outlined plan, you can elevate your performance to the next level.

5) Believe that Change is Possible and Within Your Control

Believing in your capacity for improvement is essential. Leadership is a skill. While the saying "leopards don't change their spots" suggests that people are fixed in their ways, and the belief that "leaders are born" may persist, substantial evidence shows that anyone can enhance their leadership abilities with dedication and effort. It is rare to find a leader at their peak in their 20s. Effective leaders evolve into better leaders and eventually become exceptional leaders by studying leadership principles, understanding human behavior, and committing to continuous improvement. No matter where you are on your leadership journey, improvement is possible. Believing in this potential is crucial for achieving the best outcomes with your coach.

I sponsored an individual who had average coaching results. I initially supported them because they seemed high-performing and had great potential. However, they did not benefit much from the coaching experience, primarily because they believed their situation was unchangeable. They thought the culture around them was the problem and felt they had no options.

Despite the coach's encouragement to try different behaviors, the individual stuck to their usual ways and participated in coaching without genuine engagement. I expressed my disappointment, and while I tried to influence the individual's perspective, I realized that only they could change. No encouragement from me or insightful discussions with the coach could make a difference for someone who believed their circumstances were outside their control. Sadly, coaching had no impact on this person.

If you believe change is possible, approach coaching with the right mindset, and prepare, you will succeed with coaching.

Helping people step into their potential

Did you watch the movie Hitch? This 2005 comedy hit starring Will Smith has some great insights into the role of a coach or advisor and the individual.

What did Hitch do for Albert (the nerdy accountant who wanted Hitch's help to get him dates with the wealthy, successful businesswoman?) At one point in the movie, Hitch confesses, 'Nothing, absolutely nothing!' Ultimately, Albert had to take the actions. Hitch could only coach, mentor, and lead Albert toward his dreams. Albert had to step into his potential.

So, let's break this down. What did Hitch do that a good coach, mentor, and leader MUST do for their people?

Hitch helped Albert become more self-aware. There is a very funny scene where Albert shows Hitch his dancing moves. Hitch says 'never, ever, do that again.' The point is that Hitch spent his time with Albert, helping him see himself as he was and helping him understand how Allegra Cole would perceive him. Helping someone see themselves more clearly is invaluable and something good coaches and mentors do frequently.

There is an excellent chart about 'known to self' and 'known to others' called the Jirahi window.

Coaches, mentors and leaders do an excellent service to those they support when they help someone understand what is not known by them, but is known by others. These are blind spots, and if no one points them out, an individual is hopelessly ignorant of things that are keeping them from their potential. Giving feedback is challenging but extraordinarily valuable. I genuinely hope that if I had spinach in my teeth, you would tell me!

Another thing that Hitch did for Albert, and something good coaches, mentors, and leaders can do for others is Hitch helped Albert be more couragous. Often, people need a little 'kick in the pants' to step out of their comfort zone and do what needs to be done. Hitch talks with Albert about the importance and impact of 'the first kiss.' When Hitch is evaluating Albert's kissing approach, he tells him that most woman think the first kiss tells them everything they need to know about the guy and the relationship. This helped Albert realize the importance of this. Albert was very anxious about this, but he realized that he must overcome his fear. As Albert said goodbye to Allegra on the porch steps, at first he lost his nerve and walked away. Before he went too far, Hitch's advice and council kicked in. With all the courage he could muster, He boldly and courageously marched back to her and gave her a wonderful kiss that advanced the relationship.

The last thing Hitch did that a good coach, mentor, or leader must do is Hitch built Alberts confidence. Hitch met Albert where he was. He saw Albert's assets and strengths and believed that Albert could win a girl like Allegro's heart. Hitch believed in Albert and this enabled Albert to also believe he was worthy of Allegra's attention and affection. Through Hitch's encouragement, Albert was confident enough to try.

So where are you on this journey? Do people look to you for coaching, mentoring, and leading? Are you able to help them with feedback to improve their self-awareness? Are you able to give them a nudge to be more courageous? Nothing ventured, nothing gained. How can you meet people where they are, access their strengths, and give them the confidence they need to pursue their dreams?

For me, I had the benefit of having a coach who did all three of these things for me. Last year I would connect with my coach monthly and he helped me see myself and my circumstances accuratly. In an executive role, I lost my way at times in the maze of complexity and fast pace of business. My coach was able to see clearly both the outside circumstances challenging me, but also the behaviors and actions I was doing that were giving me results, often results I did not desire. My coach had a few 'kick in the pants' conversations to jostly me out of my comfort zone. One bad habit I had was I would let self-centered, negative narratives run wild in my mind. My coach taught me to NOT accept these narratives and to consider other narratives for the circumstance. I needed someone outside of my circumstances to not coddle me in my misery, but challenge my thinking to get 'higher' and 'bigger.' In the book 'Getting to yes with yourself' by William Ury, the author talked about 'going to the balcony.' This is a method where you stop in your circumstances and look at them from a different (higher view.) However you can take a breath and rethink things differently will benefit you. Things are rarely as you first perceive them. Lastly, my coach gave me confidence. At low points, he was able to see my potential and show me that I was very capable and able to take the actions needed. He saw my potential and built my confidence to step into it.

I'd love to hear your thoughts. Feel free to message me directly or comment on the blog.

2019 Reading List - Part 2

Learning to lead is difficult, but thankfully there are many people who have made the journey.  These books are helping me tremendously.  

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I do not receive any money or financial reimbursement from anyone for this blog.  

All the comments and reviews below are my own personal opinion.

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1) Back to Human - Dan Schawbel

I heard about this book from the readtolead postcast.  Read to Lead includes leadership authors who talk about their book.  Part of the podcast also has the author mention 2 books that they read that influenced them. I did not get the book Back to Human by listening to the author's pod-cast, but instead because a different author mentioned this book as being highly influential.  Now I see that this author is also featured on a podcast, so I'll be sure to listen to that one too!

I got this book at the local library and had to speed read it over Christmas break. It was so popular it was not eligible for renewal it since others had it on hold!  

My key takeaway from this book is that we as leaders must be very deliberate in using technology appropriately and encourage our teams to do so as well.  

I am trying to incorporate learning from this book with my team.  Last month we had our first team meeting and I asked everyone to describe something they are struggling with right now.  All of them described challenges with time-management.  We talked for a bit about lack of processes, drowning in e-mails and not clear priorities.  I was able to quote from this book and describe how we can choose when to use e-mail and when not to.  Maybe we can influence for more efficient work by NOT thinking that success in a day is ‘getting through all my e-mails.’

https://readtoleadpodcast.com/

2) The First 90 Days - Michael D. Watkins

My brother-in-law Scott Monroe recommended this book to me.  I started a new job in July and I heard about this book in August.  I was really bummed that I did not read this when I gave my notice.  90 days is not much time and I lost a full 30 days by not having this information.  Even still, this book was invaluable to me as I tried to keep my head above water learning a new company culture & a new job. 

The key takeaway from this book is that it is essential that you don’t fall into historic patterns of familiarity in your new role, but that instead you venture into the very scary and uncomfortable space of learning something new and trying new things.  I found myself on many occasions in the first 3 months of my new job, falling back into what I was good at.  For instance, I'm really good at documenting process flows using visio.  In my first three months when I would get overwhelmed, I would start creating a visio flow of the process!  Some of that work was beneficial, but largely the work I did outside my comfort zone was what added value to the new organization.  The book helped me spot the times and places I was falling back into familiar work and then stop and question the value of that.  

The other key idea was to very clearly set a common measure of success with my new boss.  Thankfully the words ‘what does success look like’ resonated with my new boss.  I was also very fortunate to have a great manager who really understands people.  He checked up on me often, was very good at both listening and giving me direction.  Het very clear objectives for what he wanted from my new role and helped me achieve a few ‘early wins.’   

3) The Road Back to You - Ian Morgan Cron & Suzanne Stabile

I learned about this book from the podcast ‘Typology.’ My friend Cindi Mitchell recommended it to me and I listen to this regularly.  The host of the podcast is the author of this book.

The podcast and book are all about the Enneagram, an ancient model of understanding human psyche.  It’s way more than a ‘personality test’ and is quite different from other personality profile systems like Myers Briggs.  The Enneagram gets much more at why we manifest our personalities the way we do.  It is more about our core belief system that was established as children about how we present our persona to the world.  Yes, this is kind of heavy stuff, but it’s very good.  

I’m a 7 – the enthusiast.  I manifest to the world as adventurous & optimistic, always quick with a new idea and challenged when asked to choose only one option.   I avoid pain by not being ‘in the moment’ and when anticipating pain, I take myself into a future state that is appearing to be more interesting or fun.  If you know me, you would probably confirm all of that.  I knew I was an Enneagram 7 before reading this book so the key takeaway for me was more about how to develop & interact with people based on their enneagram.    

I have a direct report who took the assessment and self-identified as a 5.  As I work with him, it is helpful for me to know that when he gets overwhelmed his instinct is to go inward, look for additional data and work on urgent things, not necessarily high priority things.  As I work with him on growing and developing, these insights help him focus on a few key priorities at a time and challenge him when he appears overwhelmed to take it ‘one priority at a time.’  We both have seen him improve in focus and delivering on commitments since we are both tuned into his ‘natural patterns of behavior.’ So that is what ‘The road back to you’ was able to do for me.

Curious to know what your enneagram number is?  The link below takes you to a survey.  Note - it is 100 questions and will take @10 minutes or more to complete.  

https://exploreyourtype.com/details

4) Panda Planner - Michael Leip

Okay, so you may say that Panda Planner is not a book, but since it’s a bound compilation of papers with words and images in it, I’m counting it in this list.  I’m also including it in this list because it is making me a better leader.  I heard about the Panda Planner from my daughter, Sarah Demchuk.  She came across the planner in her work as an editor at a non-fiction book company ‘Page Street Publishing.’  I put it on my Christmas wish list last year (Christmas 2017) and received it as a gift from my son.  I LOVE it!  

I immediately started writing in it.  Before I give you my key takeaway from it, let me describe it.  It’s a 3-month undated planner which includes a monthly section, a weekly section and a daily section.  Each day I fill out the Morning Review.  This challenges me to find things I’m grateful for, things I’m excited about, an affirmation statement and something to focus on.  In the weekly section I get a review of last week and a place to write down my plan for the coming week.  This includes a section for me to write down how I will make the week great in my personal life, my work life, with family/friends and with relationships.

My key takeaway from this book is that focusing on gratefulness every single day and writing down on paper a daily affirmation statement makes me happier.  There is science to back this up.  I find my panda planner to be essential for my health and well being and I use it consistently to prioritize what’s important for me. Oh and it also helps me focus at work on the top priorities for the month, week and day.  Overall, a fantastic tool for your personal and professional life. 

5) Crucial Conversations

I heard about this book from my daughter in law Jessa Monroe.  She told me her dad Chris Mitchell uses it in his executive coaching work.  The key takeaway for this book is that you shouldn't avoid crucial conversations.  Instead, you should prepare for them by understanding how your body reacts to high emotional states.  You should focus on what you (and the other person) really want.  Similar to 'Getting to yes with yourself' and the 'Chimp Paradox' - this book explains our bodies natural reactions to high emotional states.  It provides tools and insights to manage these conversations better.   I like that the book doesn't try to pretend that you could have a perfect crucial conversation.  It often talks about just having a better outcome.  This stuff is hard.  Nobody does it well.  We are all learning and growing as we go.

One tool (or suggestion) from the book that I found very helpful was the chapter on creating a safe environment.  When both parties feel safe, you can effectively communicate and solve problems.  When either person doesn't feel safe, it blocks effective communication.  I know this first hand from many crucial conversations I've had in the past.  I can recall (vividly) some crucial conversations where I did not feel safe and I shut down.  I've been in crucial conversations where we managed to create a safe environment and the end result was very productive and enlightening.  As much as I'm able, I try to ensure a safe environment for these conversations.  Sometimes I can't control it as much as I would like, but I realize I own my part of creating a safe environment no matter who has the power.

2019 Reading List

I love learning - especially learning about leadership.  One of my favorite things to do is to read about a leadership skill and then try it out at work.  It gives difficult days at work a silver lining and it enables me to help develop my team.

I read some awesome books in 2018.  Instead of just listing them as a book recommendation list, I thought I would also list how I heard about the book and a key takeaway for business and leadership.  

*************************************** NOTE *****************************************************

I do not receive any money or financial reimbursement from anyone for this blog.  

All the comments and reviews below are my own personal opinion.

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1) Thinking Fast & Slow - Daniel Kahneman

This was assigned reading for my Babson Graduate Class ‘Decisions’ and my professor Dwight Getz correctly warned us that it was meaty but worth it.  Honestly, I only made it through the first 18 chapters but it is an amazing book.   

My key takeaway was that my brain, your brain and the brains of really smart people are lazy and we have to watch out for the shortcuts our brains take all the time.  Our brains laziness will cause us to make bad decisions or see things the way we always have in the past.  With mindfulness, we can tune into our brains behavior and override its lazy tendencies for better outcomes.  This is easier said than done.  

One quick little win from this book was an example of how really smart people take shortcuts when solving math problems.  The book described the shortcut we take and then offered the right answer (which clearly was not the simple answer.)  It was a classic 'trick question.'  When I applied for my new job this summer I was asked to take a test.  Wouldn't you know it but this trick question was on the test.  I got the answer right!  I would have totally chosen the easy answer without the book.  Thankfully I probably would have still gotten the job even if I got the answer wrong, but it was very satisfying to get the answer right!

2) Wait What? - James E. Ryan

This book was recommended reading for the Analog Devices leadership workshop I co-led with Professor Guhan Subramanian.  Guhan recommended a few titles for participants to read to further their learning on how to accelerate profitable growth.   

My key takeaway is that we should pay attention to the person in the room who bravely says ‘wait, what?’  We also need to create time and space for these people to speak up.  Haven’t we all been in that meeting when the meeting is almost over and someone casually says something and someone else says ‘wait, what did you just say?’ and a huge issue is uncovered that is critical to success for the initiative being worked on.  This concept is hard for me because I just want to fly through things and get busy on doing things, not making sure we are solving the right problem and not spending time considering all angles.  I need to allow time for these wait what questions to come forth.

3) Dare to Lead - Brene Brown

I found out about this book from an e-mail directly from Brene Brown.  I must have subscribed to one of her blogs and when her new book came out, I probably ordered that same day.  

My key take away from this book is that we cannot leave our emotions & values home when we go to work.  Our value system is intrinsically tied to ourselves and we are people with emotions and feelings and ambitions that are with us wherever we go.  Brene says often in this book 'people, people, people.'  As I lead, it is essential that I allow myself to 'rumble' and be uncomfortable with transparency and vulnerability to make it a safe place to learn and grow.  An especially relevant part of the book was the section on 'are you ready to give feedback.'  How often have I given feedback without properly aligning myself to give feedback that will really enable a person to change.  Brene has very practical ideas like sitting on the same side of the table and looking at the problem together instead of sitting across a desk or table and putting the problem between you and the other person.  Great stuff.

4) Getting to yes with yourself - William Ury

I don’t know how I heard about this one, but I had read ‘getting to yes’ forever ago so when I saw this title I checked it out from the library, read it and then proceeded to buy a copy for myself and everyone else I knew.  

My key takeaway from this book is the idea of going ‘to the balcony’ when emotions get high in a situation.  This technique has saved me numerous times because it allows me to acknowledge my emotions, name the emotions, but not have them swarm over me and take over.  This idea of ‘go to the balcony’ enables me to rise above the emotional situation, observe myself in the emotion and potentially respond in a different way.  Being able to 'go to the balcony' really helped me process some challenging emotions I was dealing with as I wrestled with my decision to leave a job and company I had been with for 20 years and go on an interview for a new opportunity.  For the record, as you can infer from comments above, I went on the interview, got the job and am enjoying my new position.

5) The Chimp Paradox - Steve Peters

So my boss Colin Strother recommended this book.  I started work on a Monday and the following week he was headed for vacation.  He was asking for book recommendations and I loaned him my book “Thinking fast and slow.’  He then recommended this book to me.  I had just signed up for audible and listened to this book during my morning and evening commute for about 6 weeks.  

My key takeaway from this book is that our brains are made up of three components which the author names the chimp, the human and the computer.  A little less esoteric than Thinking Fast and Slow, it was some of the same concepts but at a level that makes it easier to read (note - I actually finished this book.)  Our brains are designed to go onto auto pilot (the computer) but we often respond with emotions (the chimp) that doesn't generally serve us well.  When we recognize chimp behavior we can re-frame situations and respond with the human.  Our human must control our chimp.  As I try to achieve my New Years Resolution of breaking my addiction to sugar, I'm on a January sugar and alcohol fast.  When my chimp tries to divert me to eat left over Christmas candy or rationalize why 'one glass of wine' won't hurt anything, I control my chimp with appropriate self-talk.

I have 5 more books to recommend for you, but I want to keep these blog posts short and sweet, so we'll end here for today and I'll post the others later this month.

Thanks for visiting my blog, make it a great day.